If there are ever concentration camps in the United States, I imagine that they will not be called "concentration camps." They will probably be given some other name that makes them seem less appalling. I also imagine that if there are ever concentration camps in the United States, they won't have some physical appearance that makes people recall Dachau or Auschwitz. There would probably not be fences with barbed wires, and high towers manned by guards with machine guns. Instead there would be some arrangement in which the imprisonment was handled by some slick hi-tech setup.
We can imagine a welcome page that would be handed out to the newly arrived prisoners of such concentration camps:
Greetings to you, guest! We welcome you as a guest to Happiness Haven #184 !
Our Happiness Haven is a wonderful place for you to live with other people like yourself. Here we have many hi-tech conveniences that will keep you happy and safe.
Very soon after you arrive, you will be supplied with some of these wonderful hi-tech inventions, like the ones below:
These marvelous innovations you will enjoy include these:
Your Taser Bracelets: Taser bracelets will be worn by all of our guests, on both of their wrists. The Taser Bracelet is a wonderful invention that will keep you in compliance with all of the rules of this Happiness Haven. If you happen to violate one or our rules, you will feel your Taser Bracelet jolting you with a brief electrical shock. Don't worry -- it won't kill you. It will merely be a reminder to stop violating one of our rules.
Your Happiness Headcap: All of our guests will wear on their heads a wonderful invention that we call a Happiness Headcap. The Happiness Headcap serves multiple functions. It is equipped with electrodes that will read your brain waves. If you ever experience a strong emotional state such as hate or rage, your Happiness Headcap will alert our robot staff of your abnormal state of mind, causing our robot staff to pay special attention to you. If you ever try to act in some unexpected way, such as trying to suddenly leave this Happiness Haven, your Happiness Headcap may supply a surge of electricity that produces unconsciousness.
Happiness Haven #184 exists so that you can be happy! Here we believe that the best way to be happy is to stay useful. All of our guests are required to stay useful, by working 12 hours a day in the coal mine at the center of our facility.
You may be thinking: I lack the energy to work so many hours. Don't worry. At the beginning of each day, a roving robot will give you a drug injection of powerful amphetamines that will fill you with enough energy to do your daily quota of work.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q. I heard some people say that this place is really just a concentration camp. Is that true?
A. No, that is not true! This is a Happiness Haven. Please be aware that your Happiness Headcap continually monitors your speech. If you ever say the phrase "concentration camp" or any similar forbidden phrase, your Happiness Headcap will send a signal that activates your Taser Bracelets, providing you with a severe electrical shock.
Q. Am I free to leave this Happiness Haven?
A. Yes, you are free to leave! But you can only leave if you apply for a written authorization, to get what we call an Exit Ticket. You can apply for such an Exit Ticket, but it may take many months or years before you receive such authorization.
Q. What happens if I try to leave this place without such an Exit Ticket?
A. Although there are no fences surrounding this Happiness Haven, its perimeter is patrolled day and night by robots and flying drones that are programmed to kill anyone trying to exit without an Exit Ticket. Also, this Happiness Haven is surrounded by a circular mine field. Please do not try to outrun our flame-throwing flying drones, as that might be a painful experience.
Q. But I've always been lucky, so why can't I take my chances by leaving without an Exit Ticket?
A. One reason this is futile is that part of your "Guest Welcoming Ceremony" was when we injected you with a high-tech tracking device allowing us to track your location even if you escape.
Q, Can I write to my friends and family while I am here?
A. Of course you can! To simplify the communication process, you will be given a computer interface allowing you to choose one of 7 pre-written letters, each of which will discuss how much you are enjoying your stay at this Happiness Haven.
Q. Why is it that I can't even remember how I got here?
A. You probably were transported here by a "robot roundup." Some robots in major cities are programmed to roundup certain types of persons, such as people who seem to be homeless or people attending protest rallies against our government's wise policies. During such "robot roundups" a robot may have injected you with a drug causing you to sleep for days, until you could be transported to this Happiness Haven.
Q. Why was this place ever set up?
A. After the government was taken over by AI computers, there were two problems. The electrical power demands of huge AI server farms were rising exponentially. Also, the streets were filled with people unemployed by AI automation, people who could no longer afford their rents. One of the supercomputers realized you could help solve both of these problems by setting up Happiness Havens like this where the unemployed would work at coal mining that would help make kilowatts for AI systems.
Q. My friend says that "guests" like him and me and most of the others here are really just slave laborers. Is that true?
A. Why of course not! It is a fact that this Happiness Haven is one of 200 sites that our government has officially designated as a Merry Fun Center. So this place must be an oasis of joy, because your government would never lie to people.
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