It will surely hurt the ears of a fierce and brave warrior such as you to hear the tale of shame and defeat I will now tell. But the story must be told, so that my error will never be repeated.
I, like you, have been trained for only one thing since early childhood: to be a warrior whose deeds would fill all enemies with fear. When I was only a young child, I was brought to the barracks, to begin ten years of harsh military training. It was the hardest possible way to grow up: walking through half-burning woods, hunting killer beasts with spears, wrestling man-eating sea creatures with my bare hands, sleeping many nights on the outdoor rocks alone, and often being thrown into pits of snakes as punishment. By the time the training was finished, all the softness and weakness had been squeezed out of me. I was like a piece of molten steel that becomes forged into a strong sword by the hammer blows of a blacksmith. By the time I was grown, I was fully ready to serve our noble race in its epic wars.
I fought many years in the Unification Wars that helped make our planet Guzor united under a single government. Many times when I was in great danger I felt like fleeing my fellow soldiers. But I also remembered what I had been told as long as I can remember: that the only real glory belongs to the victor who faces the bloodiest battles without flinching. For my bravery I rose rapidly in the military ranks.
The years of peace following the Unification Wars were like some hell for me. There was no fighting to do, no more battles to win. But then I heard about the discovery of intelligent life in the planet Welora, the warmest planet in our solar system. I was told that this planet would be our noble race's next conquest. But before an invasion could be launched, more information needed to be gathered. Someone needed to act as a spy, to live among the people of Welora, and gather information useful for a military conquest.
I volunteered for this dangerous mission. I would travel to Welora in a ship too small to be noticed. I would land on the planet, and gather information, disguising myself as a member of the local population.
I landed on the planet in a metal capsule that ejected a parachute. The capsule landed in a wooded area, far from any city. I tried to cover up the capsule as best I could with tree branches. Then I began a long walk to try to get to the nearest city. Our scientists had trained me to speak rather crudely the language of the Welora people. The scientists had found out about the language by intercepting radio signals from Welora.
When I reached the city, I took notice of the unusual sky. It seemed there was a huge flock of birds circling around above the city, something I would see many times again. I also noticed many strange types of small animals wandering about.
I stole some money to use to obtain lodging. Then I began to gather information about the Welora people. I found they were a sickening type of people: weak, soft and effeminate, the exact opposite of fierce soldierly people like you and me. I could see little difference between the males and the females of the Welora people. They both wore flowers in their hair, and dressed in extravagant clothing, clothing with lots of bright colors and decorative flourishes.
These Welora people always spoke with soft, gentle voices, treating even strangers like friends. There was no sign of any army. The people seemed to love pleasure and comfort. Their beds and chairs were all soft, with a pleasant smell. Not wishing to become anything like these weak, soft people, I never used the soft bed in my room, and slept only on the hard floor.
Studying their culture, I discovered that these people thought that males should act and dress like females, and females should act and dress like males. What a crazy notion! It will hurt the ears of a manly warrior like you to hear it spoken. Somehow these people thought conflict in their society was caused by differences between males and females, and that society would work better if the men and women acted and dressed the same.
Using the radio equipment I had brought with me, I transmitted my findings back to our planet. I said the planet Welora was ripe for conquest. I said that the Welora beings were a sickening people: soft, weak, and effeminate. I recommended that the invasion be launched as soon as possible. Then I waited for our invasion ship to arrive.
After a long delay, our spaceship arrived. We could have conquered the planet by threatening it with nuclear weapons, or landing robot machines. But that would be the way a woman conquers, not a way following our ancient manly warrior tradition! So our 2000 soldiers were landed near the main city of Welora, armed like traditional soldiers of our race, armed only with swords and shields.
We were met by a leader of Welora, who came only with unarmed people. There was no sign of resistance. Victory seemed certain. I addressed the leader.
“You are a sickening type of people: kind, weak, soft and effeminate,” I said. “We are the strong and the fierce. The stronger will conquer! Surrender now, or feel our swords severing your heads.”
“You are right – we are indeed kind, weak, soft, and girly-gentle,” said the Welora leader. “But our killer sky drones are no such thing.”
I looked up at the sky. I saw what looked like what I had very often seen above the city, what I thought was a strange huge flock of birds. But when this “flock” swooped down, it became clear it was no flock. It was a swarm of killer drones! The drones attacked our troops, using machine guns, lasers, and poison gas. Almost every one of our 2000 soldiers died in the attack. Only me and five injured soldiers made it back to our spaceship. On the journey back to our planet, the five injured soldiers all died from their wounds and injuries. I alone survived to tell the tale.
Filled with shame, I went to the Highest Council, and reported how the invasion had failed. They deliberated for two hours before announcing the horrible punishment I would receive for recommending the failed invasion.
“No!” I said. “Condemn me instead to live 20 years hunting with my bare hands the huge fierce beasts of the Felsun forest, sleeping on rocks and dodging frequent forest fires!”
But the Highest Council said I must face the punishment they had ordered.
“No!” I said. “Condemn me instead to a life of pulling teeth from the live jaws of the people-eating ocean creatures, selling their teeth as souvenirs!”
But the Highest Council said I must face the punishment they had ordered.
“No!” I said. “Condemn me instead to serve 10 years as a target dummy, dodging the arrows of our warriors training in archery!”
But the Highest Council said I must face the punishment they had ordered. In a vast field, tombstones would be erected for every one of the 2000 soldiers who had died. I would be condemned to work the job of bringing flowers to these tombstones, with the requirement that I bring a new flower to each tombstone every week. You know the term they use for someone with such a job. Such a person is always called a “Flower Girl.” And that is the job I have been forced to serve for five long years: the lowly, womanly job of a “Flower Girl.”
But you may ask: why did I request you come see me today? I have heard you too despise the Highest Council. You are not alone in these thoughts. I know of twenty others who have grievances against the Highest Council. We plan on storming into one of its meetings with our swords drawn, in hopes of overthrowing the government, and establishing a council of soldiers as the new government. Can I interest you in joining our conspiracy?
Author's note: it is clear that the way-too-fierce narrator of this story has some serious attitude problems that are causing him difficulties. Do not act or think in such a way, but instead always be kind and peaceful.