It
will surely hurt the ears of a fierce and brave warrior such as you
to hear the tale of shame and defeat I will now tell. But the story
must be told, so that my error will never be repeated.
I,
like you, have been trained for only one thing since early childhood:
to be a warrior whose deeds would fill all enemies with fear. When I
was only a young child, I was brought to the barracks, to begin ten
years of harsh military training. It was the hardest possible way to
grow up: walking through half-burning woods, hunting killer beasts
with spears, wrestling man-eating sea creatures with my bare hands,
sleeping many nights on the outdoor rocks alone, and often being
thrown into pits of snakes as punishment. By the time the training
was finished, all the softness and weakness had been squeezed out of
me. I was like a piece of molten steel that becomes forged into a
strong sword by the hammer blows of a blacksmith. By the time I was
grown, I was fully ready to serve our noble race in its epic wars.
I
fought many years in the Unification Wars that helped make our planet
Guzor united under a single government. Many times when I was in
great danger I felt like fleeing my fellow soldiers. But I also
remembered what I had been told as long as I can remember: that the
only real glory belongs to the victor who faces the bloodiest battles
without flinching. For my bravery I rose rapidly in the military
ranks.
The
years of peace following the Unification Wars were like some hell for
me. There was no fighting to do, no more battles to win. But then I
heard about the discovery of intelligent life in the planet Welora,
the warmest planet in our solar system. I was told that this planet
would be our noble race's next conquest. But before an invasion
could be launched, more information needed to be gathered. Someone
needed to act as a spy, to live among the people of Welora, and
gather information useful for a military conquest.
I
volunteered for this dangerous mission. I would travel to Welora in a
ship too small to be noticed. I would land on the planet, and gather
information, disguising myself as a member of the local population.
I
landed on the planet in a metal capsule that ejected a parachute. The
capsule landed in a wooded area, far from any city. I tried to cover
up the capsule as best I could with tree branches. Then I began a
long walk to try to get to the nearest city. Our scientists had
trained me to speak rather crudely the language of the Welora people.
The scientists had found out about the language by intercepting radio
signals from Welora.
When
I reached the city, I took notice of the unusual sky. It seemed there
was a huge flock of birds circling around above the city, something I
would see many times again. I also noticed many strange types of
small animals wandering about.
I
stole some money to use to obtain lodging. Then I began to gather
information about the Welora people. I found they were a sickening
type of people: weak, soft and effeminate, the exact opposite of
fierce soldierly people like you and me. I could see little
difference between the males and the females of the Welora people.
They both wore flowers in their hair, and dressed in extravagant
clothing, clothing with lots of bright colors and decorative
flourishes.
These
Welora people always spoke with soft, gentle voices, treating even
strangers like friends. There was no sign of any army. The people
seemed to love pleasure and comfort. Their beds and chairs were all
soft, with a pleasant smell. Not wishing to become anything like
these weak, soft people, I never used the soft bed in my room, and
slept only on the hard floor.
Studying
their culture, I discovered that these people thought that males
should act and dress like females, and females should act and dress
like males. What a crazy notion! It will hurt the ears of a manly
warrior like you to hear it spoken. Somehow these people thought
conflict in their society was caused by differences between males and
females, and that society would work better if the men and women
acted and dressed the same.
Using
the radio equipment I had brought with me, I transmitted my findings
back to our planet. I said the planet Welora was ripe for conquest.
I said that the Welora beings were a sickening people: soft, weak,
and effeminate. I recommended that the invasion be launched as soon
as possible. Then I waited for our invasion ship to arrive.
After
a long delay, our spaceship arrived. We could have conquered the planet
by threatening it with nuclear weapons, or landing robot machines.
But that would be the way a woman conquers, not a way following our
ancient manly warrior tradition! So our 2000 soldiers were landed
near the main city of Welora, armed like traditional soldiers of our
race, armed only with swords and shields.
We
were met by a leader of Welora, who came only with unarmed people.
There was no sign of resistance. Victory seemed certain. I addressed
the leader.
“You
are a sickening type of people: kind, weak, soft and effeminate,” I
said. “We are the strong and the fierce. The stronger will conquer!
Surrender now, or feel our swords severing your heads.”
“You
are right – we are indeed kind, weak, soft, and girly-gentle,”
said the Welora leader. “But our killer sky drones
are no such thing.”
I
looked up at the sky. I saw what looked like what I had very often
seen above the city, what I thought was a strange huge flock of
birds. But when this “flock” swooped down, it became clear it
was no flock. It was a swarm of killer drones! The drones attacked
our troops, using machine guns, lasers, and poison gas. Almost every
one of our 2000 soldiers died in the attack. Only me and five injured
soldiers made it back to our spaceship. On the journey back to our
planet, the five injured soldiers all died from their wounds and
injuries. I alone survived to tell the tale.
Filled
with shame, I went to the Highest Council, and reported how the
invasion had failed. They deliberated for two hours before announcing
the horrible punishment I would receive for recommending the failed
invasion.
“No!”
I said. “Condemn me instead to live 20 years hunting with my bare
hands the huge fierce beasts of the Felsun forest, sleeping on rocks
and dodging frequent forest fires!”
But
the Highest Council said I must face the punishment they had ordered.
“No!”
I said. “Condemn me instead to a life of pulling teeth from the
live jaws of the people-eating ocean creatures, selling their teeth
as souvenirs!”
But
the Highest Council said I must face the punishment they had ordered.
“No!”
I said. “Condemn me instead to serve 10 years as a target dummy,
dodging the arrows of our warriors training in archery!”
But
the Highest Council said I must face the punishment they had ordered.
In a vast field, tombstones would be erected for every one of the
2000 soldiers who had died. I would be condemned to work the job of
bringing flowers to these tombstones, with the requirement that I
bring a new flower to each tombstone every week. You know the term
they use for someone with such a job. Such a person is always called
a “Flower Girl.” And that is the job I have been forced to serve
for five long years: the lowly, womanly job of a “Flower Girl.”
But
you may ask: why did I request you come see me today? I have heard
you too despise the Highest Council. You are not alone in these
thoughts. I know of twenty others who have grievances against the
Highest Council. We plan on storming into one of its meetings with
our swords drawn, in hopes of overthrowing the government, and
establishing a council of soldiers as the new government. Can I
interest you in joining our conspiracy?
Author's
note: it is clear that the way-too-fierce narrator of this story has
some serious attitude problems that are causing him difficulties. Do
not act or think in such a way, but instead always be kind and
peaceful.
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